It Is Well: In the good times PRAISE "His" name. In the bad ti...

It Is Well: In the good times PRAISE "His" name. In the bad ti...: "Well this update has been long overdue. Last week we went for a catscan because I had found a few area's of concern. Again so much wanting a..."

In the good times PRAISE "His" name. In the bad times do the same!!!!

Well this update has been long overdue. Last week we went for a catscan because I had found a few area's of concern. Again so much wanting and expecting to hear it is ALL gone we don't know what happened? That is not what we heard. Many of my area's of concern had gotten smaller, but too many new ones and several of the older ones got bigger and they were area's of much concern.
We both feel Numb, I guess that is the best way to describe it! Disbelief. Dissapointed and not wanting to face what is next. Nov. 29th I will go to have a port placed for my chemo treatments that will begin Dec. 8th. Yet in the mist of All this heartache there is such a sense of Gratitude in my heart, not just because of Thanksgiving but because of ALL the amazing things God has done in my life. I have an awesome husband and Children, great daughter and son-in-law. The BEST grandchildren ever. I have traveled places I never thought I would travel to. I have gotten to be a part of a new church called "More Life Church" which began 6yrs. ago and is thriving and growing leaps and bound. We are expecting a new granchild next May 9th, (our daughter and son-inlaws 1st child) I am blessed beyond measure.  Yet I maybe I should say we have many questions to why is this cancer still here? Why are we still dealing with this whole mess? We don't have answers to this Question. So for me ultimatley, it takes me back to my faith. Knowing God is with me, He will bring us through this, and He will give us the strength and courage we need as we need it. Being Thankful in ALL things not for ALL things is my life of choice. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not see. So I walk by faith and not by what I see, because I choose to Trust in my creator knowing He has a greater plan. It is well in my soul, yes it is well. I or again should say We cry from time to time. Feel disapointed at times, yet I am reminded This battle is not mine but the Lords!!!!!!!  I am reminded of the words to a song "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for my God is with me, and if my God is with me whom then shall I fear, whom then shall I fear. Oh no you never let go through the high's and through the lows, Lord you never let go of me!!!!! So my Thanks to the King of Kings for All of His promises and All the things HE has so richly blessed my life with. For the amazing people He has placed in my life. Life is truly to be cherished day by day. I give thanks with a grateful heart not For all things, but IN all things. He is worthy.

God's Grace Is Sufficient !!!!!!!

This past Thursday,  Bill and I went for my CatScan and I was so expecting to hear "CANCER FREE"!!!!!! Those are not the words I heard. Although 4 of my areas had gotten smaller with out Chemo or medications of any kind, was awesome and amazing news and I am so Thankful for that.  The other news seemed to cloud my good news, one area had doubled in size since June,which explained my pain and discomfort with my left leg and 2 new area's found on my right leg in the soft tissue!!!! I was angry, "Disssapointed", wanted to be in DENIAL of the whole thing. At one point I actually said to my Oncologist I am going to pretend I am not hearing you. I often wonder what she thinks of me (LOL) !!  I once again thought this was all behind me and once again we were faced with decisions I didn't want to face or make. Hearing things I didn't want to hear and just emotionally exhausted from the whole mess!!!! We had dinner plans Friday and Saturday evening with friends and I so much wanted to cancel because I just didn't feel like being around anyone!! I was so weepy and discouraged. We did not cancel and I am so glad. I thought if I cry oh well, they are my friends and they will understand. I didn't cry, I laughed and we had a wonderful time. Cancer just like other types of Cancer can try to rob us of our joy our life our hope and our love, BUT we do not have to allow that to happen. I had so many "AMAZING" things happen just when I needed it the most. I cried with God listening to me, I DON"T Understand any of this but this one thing I do know "GOD'S GRACE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR US" We don't have to understand it, or deserve it, all we have to do is recieve it. So I can proudly say when I am "Weak" HE is Strong in me and I can Trust Him to bring "His" Perfect will out of all this mess!!!  Gods Grace is enough for all of us No matter what we are going through His love, His Peace, His Joy, His Comfort, His Presence is ALWAYS there for us IF we turn to Him and continue to Trust Him "No Matter What "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Saturday night after dinner I went into the Bathroom and as I looked up there was a wall painting that said " My Grace Is Sufficient For Thee" it was as if God was there letting me know it is OK, hang on I am with you keep going. He gives us what we need when we need it because of His Amazing GRACE!!!!!!!!

God is always with you !!!!!!

Last Thursday I had a bone Scan , blood work and an xray!!! I had been having problems with my left leg and Dr. Kendra wanted to make sure it wasn't the Cancer. As I was getting ready for my appt. I looked up in my vanity area and saw this note above where I was sitting, it said this::
                Dear Nanny,           1-1-10

                       I hope you feel better real soon. I will be praying for you. The most important
                       thing to remember is "God" Is Always With You!!!! I love you soooooo much.
                                                                                                                     Love,
                                                                                                                     Julia
                                                                                                                                                                                     
Wow, what a reminder when everything inside you wants to go every direction, your mind wants to think
all kinds of thoughts ,and "Fear" wants to creep in and give you  the worst case scenerio's. God Is always with you. No matter where you are no matter where you go, He goes with you, He is with you. We were so relieved when all the tests were good. No Cancer in the bones, blood work was great, no bones broken or fractured. My Dr. was very pleased with the progress, especially because I havn't had any chemo or medicine of any kind since March. Now it is August and 2 spots on my chest are getting smaller. I said to her I believe God is answering my prayers, she looked at me and smiled. While I was at the hospital I saw someone I knew
and she was with her mom. Her mom was in a wheel chair and it looked as though she had gone through chemo.
She had a hat on but the lady had the most contagious smile. I asked her later how she kept such an up beat
and postive attitude she said:: I have given it all to God, I know He is with me. What a difference God makes
in our lives. He helps us to face our challanges with a smile on our face because we know He loves us and
is always "With Us"!!!!!!!!

Wow, where did this summer go? It really brought things home today when our 4 grandchildren started their 1st day of school. We went over around 7:30 am ( and I am not a morning person ) but my love for them motivates me. I was so thankful to get to see them in their new clothes looking so excited and ready to go. They are such amazing children, I love them so. This morning I read a friends post that talked about Staring at God and Glancing at our problem, (exactly what I needed to hear this morning) This week some of my symptoms have been trying to have me stare at them and FEAR has been trying to get my Full attention. I have been so G-R-A-T-E-F-U-L for every moment of my life these last 6 mos. So many fun family times and  special memories. I am thankful to God for being with me encouraging me and giving me the strength
I need. I am refocusing on keeping my eyes on the prize and knowing that "All things work together for good to those who love God and those who are called according to "His purpose" (for us and others). So to all my
friends who will read this post my thought for today is " Stare at God and Glance at your situation". God is well able to do what His word tells us He will do.

Good morning!!!! Today as I read a Pastors post for the day, about not allowing our dissappointments to prevent our joy and happiness in the future, I began to think of all the dissapointments in my life, in others and in myself. I went thru yrs. of self pity and wondering why did this happen to me. I learned the more self pity I tolerated the worse I felt. I believe self pity is one of the most destructive emotions because it keeps us stuck or frozen and does not allow us to move forward in life. So how do we move forward? One of the ways I did this past yr. after my 3rd yr. of dealing with cancer issues was to hang on to the scripture that says "All things work together for good to those who love God to those who are called "according to "His" purpose!! God always has a purpose in our life.If we trust "Him" and surrender our dissapointments to "Him" then we can move forward because we know We can trust "Him" to bring about His purpose.
                      1) Give Him your hurts and dissapointments (don't hang on to them)      
                       2)God is working out His plan        
                        3) We can Always trust God because He loves us and He is trying to bring  us to the
                           other side of the situation.

I went to my mom's to visit for a few days and Julia and Alex went with me, 2 of my grandkids. While we were there I took them swimming and I just sat in the shade and watched them having fun. As I sat there I started thinking about how much I would have loved to be in the water and sun with them and that started reminding me of my cancer situation. Then immediately I started being thankful that I was there with them. that I could drive again and just live in the moment so to speak.I watch them and everything around me with new eyes and a new focus. No one is certain of tomorrow we all just have today.  If we worry about our tomorrow we loose our today. So many times we miss all the special moments of today because we are distracted by life and all the hustle bustle that it brings.We can live and love no matter what our situation is. I am learning to live by the one day at a time word that is in the bible.  Matthew 6:34 talks about not worrying about tomorrow and living one day at a time. we can loose today by worrying about tomorrow. Matthew6:34:::::::::  So don't be anxious about tomorrow. God "Will" take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.

How we react to life situations makes such a difference. Have you ever noticed that some people seem to sail through life and don't seem to have emotional ups and downs they just seem steady, while othere people are constantly up and down like a rollercoaster ride. They are always reacting to situations. I have learned we cannot control certain things from happening in our lives but we can determine how we will respond or react in it!!!!  This past year my response to my news that the cancer had spread and was more aggressive left me wondering why had this happened ,I didn't understand and it didn't make  sense to any of us. Once I changed my thinking, and focused on things like, God is with me and I can trust "Him" even if I don't understand . "All things work together for good to those who love God and those who are called according to "His" purpose!!! How I reacted to my situation changed. I know longer tried to figure it out, or  tried fighting  against what was happening. I just embraced the fact that God was with me and "He would bring me through. I heard this said yrs. ago life is 10 percent circumstances and 90 percent how we respond or react to it.

I was reading ch.1 in the book of James this morning and in vs. 15 it was talking about how we will act on what we are thinking about. It reminded me of this past Feb. We  recieved really bad news from the doctor, and all my thoughts were filled with hopelessness  and wondering why this was happening. I was believing God to heal me and the Dr. Report kept getting worse and worse. I was praying for God to lead me the way I should go to help us make the right decision for me. I made the decision that I did not want chemo at this time and I was going to focus on living and not dying. So I planned 2 trips one in Florida and one to LA to see our daughter and son-in-law. I began to focus on Gods word that I would live and not die and declare the works of the Lord. So our actions will follow what we are thinking if I think I can't then I won't!!! If I think it is hopeless than it is. If I think this is over it isn't going to work than it won't. We have to line up our thinking to what God's word says whether we see it yet or not. What we think about can make or break us. We can either keep our minds on our problems or on what is wrong or we can keep our minds on Gods word and what it says. God always makes a way for us. Nothing is too big for "Him" or to difficult for "Him". This will not automatically happen we need to renew our minds daily with Gods "Good" news for us.

Today was one of those days when I just felt gratitude for all God has done. 6 mos. ago everything seemed so uncertain.and here I am today feeling stronger by the day and I can tell my leg is getting so much stronger. Today was my oldest granchildrens Bday and I was just so thankful to be there and watch them with their friends. I have learned that no matter what you are going through you can have something to be thankful for. Living with an attitude of gratitude gives a whole new prospective on things and keeps your mind off of the negative things in your life. Lord. I just thankyou that your goodness and mercy is new every morning!!!!  
So if you havn't done it yet today I would encourage you to make a list of all the good things in your life and and let all the self pity go to the way side. Let go and let God..

Yesterday I went for physical therapy and I really did not want to go. He is working on areas that don't want to be worked on. I have found the more discomfort I feel the less I want to engage in this level of therapy. Yet ultimately I know it is for the long term benefit of me walking normally again. My muscles are screaming , No, No , No.!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave me alone, let me rest. Yet the more we stretch them the better  the outcome. When I was in the hospital this past Feb. I watched a music video that showed someone bike riding. In my heart I caught a glimpse of me bike riding again. I wasn't even able to move my leg at this time. The doctors were not even sure if I would walk again, yet I kept picturing myself riding a bike. Then I went to California and people were bike riding on the Santa Monica Beach.  I wanted so much to be a bike rider on the beach but I was still having to use my walker. I heard myself say to my daughter and son-in-law the next time I come here I will bike ride on this beach. My long term goal was bike riding, that was my "Prize", my immediate situation was getting help out of bed. I have progressed from wheelchair to walker then to the cane, and I believe very soon will lay the cane down. So what ever our situation we need to keep our eyes on the long term prize and take the necessary steps to get there. The bike riding was not realistic 6 mos. ago, but there have been lot's of steps in between to make it more reachable today.                                          
          Phillippians3:13,14   1)  forget the past  2) look forward to what lies ahead 3) strain to reach the end of the race (  It is going to take effort!!!)  4) receive the prize.

I guess sometimes we give up, or are tempted to give up to soon. We pray and don't recieve the answer with in an hour or so and we think God is not listening. Or we pray and believe and we get a bad report from the Doctor and we think Gods word isn't working for me. We may pray and things don't take the course we thought it would take.  I am reminded of Joseph  who was 17 when he had a dream about things to come in his life. His brothers were jealous of him and threw him in a pit. He was sold to be a slave. The Kings wife accused him of rape and he ended up in prison. He helped people in prison and when they got out they forgot about helping him. For almost 17 yrs. it (seemed) as if he was getting farther from his dream, and yet God was designing the perfect way for him to go. The end of the story Joseph became the 2nd highest official in Egypt. He rescued the entire nation of Isreal from famine. It seemed as if God had abandoned him and yet God was working out " His" plan not only for Joseph but also the bigger picture the entire Nation of Isreal. Keep on keeping on. Don't give up, don't quit. Keep believing Gods word. God has a good plan for each of us. It may not happen over night (It usually doesn't) but it will come to pass. Endure to the end, press in to the Lord closer than ever and watch "Him move on your behalf.                                                  
               James ch.1vs2 (new living translation)   For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow.

I am just thinking today about how it is human nature to want things just to be good all the time or most of the time. When difficult times come up we wonder why is this happening or why did this happen to me or this isn't fair. But through out history amazing things have come out of trying times or uncertain times. When I think of difficult times in my life I just wanted them to dissappear and go away. But as I began to understand that God is always with me. In the good times and in the bad times, I began to understand that God has an awesome plan in my life and just because I didn't understand what was happening didn't change the fact that God was with me and He was never going to leave me or abandon me. His Grace is enough.When I was in the hospital this past year, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to walk again. I was devastated I was wondering God where are you, I am trusting you it feels like you have abandoned me, but "He" had not. He was with me, bringing me strength and courage day by day minute by minute. People would call, send cards fix meals, cry with me, or just sit with me. I have found that so many times people don't know what to say or do so they stay away. Just being there means so much. You don't have to say anything.                              
                  The book of James talks about difficulties and hard times. There is a process at work and if we hang in there one day at a time sometimes one minute at a time we will see that the situation is working it's way out for our good.  I have learned this 1) Trust God in all things. 2) live one day at a time. 3) God is for me and never against me. 4) God has a awesome plan for my life even when it doesn't look like it.

With God "All " Things are Possible!!!!!!!!!!!! Not some things "All" things if we believe He is God and His word is true .

I just got home from an awesome church service!!!!!!! I was reminded again this morning of all the amazing things God has done in my life.God is bigger than any of our obstacles. He is always for us even when it feels like He has forgotten us, "He hasn't"!!!!!!!! All thing's are truly possible with God. Nothing is too "Big or too difficult for Him".  I would love to hear from some of you and  have you share your story with me. Have an awesome day and remember Gods word never changes, He is for us and not against us and "His love" is unconditional. He hears and answers prayer, and He gives us the strength and courage we need when we need it.

My 1st day having my blog up and running!!! Feels great. I am not a computer girl, but last year for my Bday I recieved one and my Son encouraged me to join FB. Actually he came over and said mom I am signing you up on FB. It has been a fun way for me to connect with the outside world, when I was inside my house, looking out at the world. spinning past me. It felt like everyone was outside playing and I was inside wanting to join them an unable to. Some of my chemo treatments actually made me feel like the "Living Dead".  I was barely alive. As I look past the last almost 4yrs. this Nov. I am "Amazed" at all that has happened, and yes I am still alive and well. I have learned to focus on living one day at a time and giving this day my best. I see things through new eyes and appreciate things in a new way. I am so thankful for my husband and how great he has been through all of this, and my family members and awesome friends. One of the most difficult things for me with dealing with the cancer is how it effected people I love so much. My hope is that people will find this blog helpful and a way of possibly sharing their hopes, fears, and questions.

Welcome to my blog!!!! I look forward to connecting with you and talking with you about your life challenges, and how you face and get to the other side of your circumstances. Life is so full of ups and downs and I believe we need to help and encourage one another.